Nightmare: Viscious And Woke

Most of my life, I have been plagued with nightmares. Sometimes daily. This “nightmare” I just woke from an hour ago, but I still feel as though it is not done with me. The fear is so real that even now as I write these bothersome things to the internet, just to rid my mind. So come bare the load for me. I need to take it out of my consciousness and provide someone, at this point anyone that may care, the dark and dreaded corner of my subsciousness that haunts me in wake and sleep.

At first it was a struggle to sleep, since my mind was busy with failure and heartache. I wanted to sleep my worries away, sometimes my dreams can be a more than pleasant reasoning away for the “wake” reality that I step into, sometimes endless. Instead, I chanted a meditation spell and envisioned painting a sun with acrylic paint colors of orange, red, white and yellow. Strangely, I must have finally drifted…because I found myself abruptly waken to darkness. Delivered to the darkness of the room, I groggily sat up in bed and made motions to get out of the bed. The darkness was still there, but it was a dark, dark blue darkness staring back at me. It had no eyes, but it stared right through me as a sat at the edge of my bed. I sat frozen, paralyzed in fear when I realized I wasn’t actually in my room. It was another room, one from my childhood, but the bed I slept in was still the twin sized bed I sleep in every night. And that is when I realized…I’m dreaming…or nightmaring? The dark, dark blue darkness with no eyes, hands or feet, was at the bedroom door, perpendicular to where I now stood in the opposite end of the room. I was terrified. I was so mortified that I held my own throat with both hands, because I couldn’t scream as the dark, dark blue darkness came hurtling at me. Instinctively, I still gripped my throat. “What’s the matter voice, have I lost you.” I heard. It wasn’t from the thing that rushed me, it was from around me. Someone wanted to shut me up. No time for thoughts, because this time, the dark, dark blue was up in my face inspecting me with no eyes and this time I could see it for what it was up close. A monster.

Then, I woke up again. Startled by the nightmare I just had, I jolted awake. My god, that was terrifying and I thought I couldn’t, wouldn’t get out. So, I shook it off, but before I got to sit up in the bed of my dark room, in the dim light of my computer screen was a white egg the size of the Walmart variety egg in the dairy section. The egg was right where my tummy was as I laid on the left side of my body. I only lifted my head from my pillow to look at it in the dimly lit room. I looked around and I was still in my room where I slept. Curious, I propped myself up, still lying on my side to look at this thing that I was sure was not there when I fell asleep. I wouldn’t have an egg in the bed with me. It could break…I reached for the egg to feel it, gingerly. The egg was very white, even in the dark glow of the computer in the room. This is when the realization came that I was in a dream again. Waking from one nightmare into another illusion of my mind. While I held the egg, unconsciously I used the force of my fingers to crush the egg in that one hand and my hand was cut by all the pieces of the eggs shell…though the egg was hard boiled!

Another jolt, sitting up in the bed this time, with my heart racing and my eyes moving to all corners of the room. Still the dark glow of the computer screen. The computer screen had a picture of my sisters and myself, all staring back at me. Stories in their eyes. I caught my breath, comforting myself, which was self taught. I wondered about the dream, what was that about? I got up to go use the bathroom. Looking in the mirror only for a second before I plopped down on the toilet to pee. The relief of the streaming of these life fluids soothed me further. Once complete, wiping myself to then turn to the sink to wash my hands. No soap. Damn. I looked up to see myself in the mirror. To my surprise, there was nothing. No image at all. Just water running from the sink, hot and steaming the bottom portion of the mirror. At first I was so stunned I just stood there… I could feel my eyes widening but couldn’t see them for proof that they were probably bulging in disbelief! My consciousness began to fabricate reasoning at this point, as I panicked. No image in the mirror, oh shit! Outside of my head, at this point, I began palming the mirror, then scraping the mirror with my nails and fingers. Trying to tear through the irrationality that I was not there…I was not there at all. Then, in my panic and horror I started to beat upon the mirror. Pounding on it, but it had not broken, just bending like mirror and plexiglass hybrid. Then, something emerged. Something crawled from the corner of the mirror before me. It was something…something I have never seen in my life, but it was the cross of a slug larvae and spider so massive as though it was almost half my body. Black purple skin and the larvae parts had something withering under its skin. I screamed and sat down on the floor by the sink, out of the view of the mirror. I was shaking and frightened hoping it had not seen that I saw it was coming…oh god. For moments it seemed, I just sat and waited, sat and waited for an eternity. At this point, nothing rushed me or attacked. I got on my knees in front of the sink and peered up at the mirror. The creature was halfway through the mirror…it seemed to be coming from another dimension, a frightening scene as it slowly pushed its way through to my side of the world. It’s spider’s appendages, the pedipalps, were eagerly reaching for me and I fell back on my bottom, then quickly leapt to my feet. My body was up against the bathroom door and as soon as I had an opportunity, I grabed for the door knob, flung the door open and ran, but not before I felt a deep, sharp and painful slice across my back!

Awaken again…this time no jolt, just clear pain. Pain in my heart like the beating of my heart was a ticking bomb. Awaken to pain. Pain in the chest. Before I could open my eyes, I felt my chest. I could not feel my breasts. They were numb…that scared me awake. My eyes fluttered open in deep protest of my body. My mind left me tired even from sleep. What could ease my mind from the horrors? The horrors in sleep and in this reality? This time it was realtime, where you and me are on opposite ends of this computer screen. Me writing, you reading. Hoping you can understand why I needed to share this with you.

Disclaimer: This nightmare crawled out my ear and onto this post by my own doing. All photography and original art for this post was created or captured by Hetheru Mer Djehuty.

This is an original and was written and copyrighted by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.

POEM: Spiked Collar and Stilettos

Pull out the handcuffs tonight

spiked collar and stilettos

Fingers tracing lips and bottoms for hours

And we only been here for a minute

While we embracing, teal colored nails

Grazing your arms and shoulders

Cheeks makes your hands happy when they in them

I feel the intention to climb you

Divine you

Spiked collar, tight for you

Allowing the night with you

To make me loose

To lose our minds

When we make all these sins

My stilettos in the air

You lifting me to heights

Higher than the ceiling

I’m begging you

While you relieve me of everything

And everything is releasing

My knees by my shoulders

While you between them

losing yourself in my flesh

Taking all my moans

As we shiver in explosions

Disclaimer: This poem just came from within my inner depths. All photography and original art for this post was created or captured by Hetheru Mer Djehuty. Thank you so much for your support. Please feel free to like, comment, criticize, make suggestions or say “hi”.

This is an original poem dreamed up, written and copyrighted by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.

Short Story: Black Hearts Depart

Within the last dark hours before departure, Melvin Vantamore stared through the large living room window reminiscing about the events of the night before. In the background the wall clock kept it’s ticks and tock to a minimum, but the crackling of the logs in the fireplace would often snap Melvin out of his dream state. As he stared at nothing in particular outside, he questioned everything that happened between himself and Natalia. She said that this was the last time they were to see each other in secret. Hearing her repeat this sentence in his mind made him light headed. He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes slowly. Breathing in and out deliberately to calm and soothe himself.

Melvin played out the first time he met Natalia in his head. His eyes traced over every aspect of her physique, noting the way she moved her hands when she talked, observing her nose crinkled while she laughed at his dark humor. He couldn’t recall anyone that fond of him. Usually, he was not very social to approach someone, especially a woman, to engage in casual banter. For some reason, Natalia was very alluring. He hair in one swoop of a ponytail. Every now and again, her hair would sometimes fall near her almond shaped eyes, laden with a deep black mascara. During their engagements, after a while, he would find himself just listening to her speak so that he could take in all of her beauty. Her cheekbones high and soft, the fingers slender with the tips of her fingers manicured and nails clipped low. Her teeth were so white and straight, he would then follow the corners of her lips as they curled into a smile. Everything was breathtaking and pleased his senses as he stood at attention to all of her words she spoke. But some things bothered him.

The crackling in the fireplace snapped him out of the memory. He moved from the window. It was dark in the house that he lived in with his wife and two children. They have been gone for some time now. Their photos still on the mantle above the fireplace. He would glance at the photos every now and again. They were so far gone now, he would not be able to reach them. Melvin made his way into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to see if he can nibble on something, but his stomach was so weak. Instead he just sat at the dining room table, pulling at his nail cuticles until they bled.

The dining room was ghastly silent, as he sat there susceptible to the darkness of his own mind and went into memories of Natalia again. He was obsessed with her energy and wanted to be in her presense again, but the darkness kept reminding him of yesterday’s events. First, there was the phone call in the morning. She told Melvin that there was something they needed to discuss and she wanted to be certain that they were still meeting at the café. He obliged her request, wanting to know where she has been for the past week since he had not heard from her for some time. Insanity set in after three days of no phone calls, texts in response to him. On the fourth day, he sent a text to her as his desparate moment to get through to her. The text read, “Please, I need to hear from you. I don’t know what to do without you.” After three hours, he texted her again. “I’m looking at a bottle of pills right now, wondering if I should empty its contents in my body.” Instantly, Natalia replied. ” Please, please don’t do anything to hurt yourself.” He smirked a little.

He got up from the dining table now, to stand and walk towards the living room and walked up the stairs. She was not coming. He remembered stroking her throat and staring in her eyes as they pleaded silently. No words could escape her as Melvin tightened his grip. “You will never leave me…” He managed to say through his teeth, “Do you understand, Nat”. In a gasp, she managed to say yes. Her eyes were wide with fear and tears rolled down her face, he beautiful face that he cherished when he first saw her. He let go of her, abruptly, and watched as she stabilized herself after the assault. She was on her knees on the living room floor, gasping and crying. He stood there for which felt like an eternity, no emotion on his face. “Nat, you are breaking my heart. Stop breaking my heart!” Defeated, Natalia used the coffee table to bring herself to stand before him. She said nothing as she held her own throat and wiped her tears.

Melvin found himself in the master bedroom of his three bedroom house. He made love to her in here. It was the most beautiful thing he has ever done, he thought. Natalia’s moans and gasps of pleasure reverberated in his mind. He wanted to live in that moment again. Her hair falling over her breasts and she rode him. He would reach up and hold her waist and breasts. He would climb on top of her and make her climax over and over again. She would orgasm under him and he would stare at her pleasure, then he would bury his head between her neck to suck and kiss that slender neck of hers. He now found himself standing in this empty cold room. He walked around to the left side of the bed to open the safe that held important things. His passport, birth certificate his nine millimeter and the box of ammo when it was necessary. After this long day, haunted by the insanity that she had left him, he reached in to grab the gun and bullets.

Disclaimer: This short story came as an inspiration of the poem I just submitted. All photography and original art for this post was created or captured by Hetheru Mer Djehuty. Thank you so much for your support. Please feel free to like, comment, criticize, make suggestions or say “hi”.

This is an original story was written and copyrighted by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.

POEM: Black Hearts Depart

Longing

Alluring in its desired quality

Though insanity runs it

Claiming its purity

to devour, squeeze all wholesomeness

As though it was a tattered rag

When all semblance of hope is lost

Black heart emerges

Disturbing, pausing to give weight to

As it begins to corrupt all beauty

Rendering it naked

Then proceed to whiter

Emaciate

Break

Defeated

Disclaimer: This poem just came from within my depths. All photography and original art for this post was created or captured by Hetheru Mer Djehuty. Thank you so much for your support. Please feel free to like, comment, criticize, make suggestions or say “hi”.

This is an original poem dreamed up, written and copyrighted by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.

Poem: First Love

First love sweet bliss

Pure but ripe to pick

That someone to love

First love

That one from many

Which love calls to you

No one else can replace a sweet romance

It has always been all about our love

And words expressed

With “I love you” in depth

But as the clouds darken

I remember those rainy days

Though I still believe our love would prevail

In time

The water runs dry

And leaves me

My entire being would cry for you

To un-break my heart

I used to love him

I used to care

And as 10 years past

My heart still sore

Bruised

Yet yearning

In due course

My love soothed and heals

As he spoke two words

“I apologize”

Disclaimer: this poem was created from the universe within me. All photography and original art was created or captured by Hetheru Mer Djehuty. Thank you so much for your support. Please feel free to like, comment, criticize, make suggestions or say “hi”.

This is an original poem imagined, written and copyrighted by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.

Poem: The Cosmic Laughter

What food GOOD THOUGHTS are?

You, my livewire to the universe

The light within you a BURNING STAR

And I connected infinitely there in

Time non-existent where we are

SHARING KNOWLEDGE

Wisdoms we live

Good food

We feed

THOUGHT

INTO

WORDS

Into

Life

Breathing within just

Galaxies light years from

Our physical limitations

So we meet in its center

In mediation

The only heaven

Where WE can INDULGE

IN COSMIC LAUGHTER

Disclaimer: this poem was created from the universe within me. All photography and original art for this post was created or captured by Hetheru Mer Djehuty. Thank you so much for your support. Please feel free to like, comment, criticize, make suggestions or say “hi”.

This is an original poem imagined, written and copyrighted by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.

DreamScape: Leave The Lights On

I met him in my dreams…

Suddenly, I was there, in the silence of night with giant trees looming and stretching as shadows on its walls. The house was still, but spoke to me through my subconscious awareness. Through my own eyes, I glided towards the back of the house to the double doors that I remembered from my childhood home, so long ago. Though it was night, only the full moon’s illumination was present to guide me, while the trees on the walls of the house continued to yawn and stretch as a monstrosity, stalking. The concrete rectangle that was a path before the red painted double doors, still had etchings from chalk that displayed a childhood game called *Maryl that we played with boxes drawn and golf balls. There was light in all the windows, protruding through all the louvers of every window in the back of this house. I stopped gliding towards the house abruptly. My limbs as if I was immersed in water, but I was not swimming though.

The lights were bright through the red painted double doors as well as the kitchen window and the window that represented my parents room, the master bedroom. All brightly light, it seems as though the lights were pulsating. In my current state of floating I watched as they made a display of call and response, one shining brighter than another, and they continued to do this for a few moments as I floated about the concrete floor outside. Waiting. Then all the lights ceased and there was one that burned the brightest, the dining room. There was a shadow that slowly materialized as I was finally allowed to float into the house. This family place I called home in what seemed like lifetimes ago. I visit on occasion, but only in dream as though when I occupied the space as a child, it was a dream then.

The dining room was the brightest I have ever seen it, in life and in dream. It seemed as the though the light emanated from the walls and roof of the room, and it burned my eyes at first, but then my eyes adjusted to the illumination as I entered. I was not alone in the room, they was another with me. It was him, my lover and friend, standing near the back wall of the room. He has never been here before, but this is the brightest I have ever seen this house. When he realized it was me, he reached up to take hold of me by my waist, tearing me from my floating state of being. His touch became real to us both, it seems. I wish he was sleeping next to me right now. Consciously, outside the realm of dream, I felt my hands grab hold of the sheets next to me, with fists curled tightly around them, I pull them near. We were both relieved to see each other. He was wearing the same clothes from earlier and I was wearing a chiffon night gown my subconscious dreamed up and we held each other forever…

The illumination, which I still was curious as to where it came from. Did it come from him? My mind eased, taking this scene as my current reality, I felt so elated to be with him, taking him now, where I go as I sleep. I can have him in both worlds and relish in our playful banter and whimsical adventures together, lost in timelessness…

*Maryl a game played in the Caribbean during my childhood. Square boxes would be drawn with chalk on concrete and players would take turns, rolling the golf balls and catch them in the drawn boxes.

Disclaimer: this dreamscape was created by my subconscious mind and cannot be replicated. All photography and original art for this post was created or captured by Hetheru Mer Djehuty. Thank you so much for your support. Please feel free to like, comment, criticize, make suggestions or say “hi”.

This is an original work imagined, written and copyrighted by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.

Brief Narrative: DEATH BY MOONLIGHT

It was a full moon tonight. Bright and bearing down on all of this earth, at least on this side of the earth. This moment in time they took the opportunity to scurry in the dark. Mindful not to slip or trip on anything, any obstacle in the dark. Up and over the short wire fence that surrounded the cemetary. The old cemetary that had bones of folks older than the civil war. They had not cared and respect was not their thing at all. Instead, they used this opportunity to dig up one of the freshest graves just to see if they can do it.

Jack and Jill dressed all in black to submit to a deed that no one in their right mind would perform. Jill wore her negro turtle neck, dark gray jeans with stretch factor and her black winter leather gloves for good measure. She wasn’t about to get caught, for no one, not even for Jack. Jack on the other hand just wore a black round neck, long sleeve shirt and black baggy jeans off his ass. Fortunately, his drawers were dark gray. The moonlight was bright…but they managed to move accordingly to find their prize.

The dig began and at first they were digging fast and furiously, eventually they slowed after they hit 4 feet deep. They finally hit on wood with a bang and thump. They both looked at each other in this deep hole, the resting place of someone’s momma, father or something or another. They had not cared. Jill stopped to complain about smelling her own breath under the ski mask that they wore. Jack didn’t care. He was much more concerned about having less than 5 hours before the school bus picked him up from the subdivision.

Finally, they hit a bottom of this hole and now to review their find. Jill took out her small and lean flashlight and shone it on whatever it was that they hit. Jack lifted his ski mask and muttered something under his breath. Jack told Jill, “you jump out and I’ll look. We both can’t be on top of this thing when I try to open it.” Jill as athletic as she was, took time to get up and over, then out the grave. Jack turned and continued with the plan. He took the crowbar from his step-dad and continued to prod and lift the opening of the coffin. While he attacked the coffin, Jill knelt at the edge of the grave watching as Jack fought with the coffin. Jill called out, low but forceful, “Jack hurry up! This is taking too long for you to pull a bone…” Jack kept on prodding and grunting as he worked hard to open the treasure chest, someone’s coffin.

The moon was still and lit and rounded as they continued on their quest. Jill still knelt at the mouth of the grave and Jack was still grunting and prodding. Suddenly, their was a sound of shuffling above and some dirt hit his head and back. Jack looked up to see a large mass coming down towards him. The mass came down so hard and fast that he couldn’t get out of the way before it fell on top of him. When he was finally hit, he was pinned down on the coffin that he tried to brake into. I guess this means he wasn’t successful. He was a little conscious when he thought of how funny it is that he tried to open this coffin but instead he is on top of it.

Jill came to consciousness after and screamed to the top of her lungs. Dirt was falling all around them, large bulks of the same dirt they dug out of this hole. Her sight was blurry and she tried to look up at the opening of the hole. The dirt was in her eyes and she could smell the decay in the dirt. It made her scream more, Jack beneath her body. He was knocked out cold when she fell on him. She screamed his name but he had not answered…The hole was getting darker now. The Dirt all around them and at this point, only her head was visible to her eyes. She looked around and it was mostly covered in dirt now. She passed out. When she came back to consciousness, she was inhaling dirt. Her muffled screams was dull and almost mute now. Her head was submersed in the burial dirt. She had not seen who threw her in the hole. She just felt a push and then she was here, in the hole. She could hardly breath now. Thinking about Jack being under her. Hoping he isn’t dead. Hoping they can get out of here. Hoping someone can find them…But no one knows they are here. She cried, but couldn’t feel the moisture of her tears pass her lashes. The earth absorbed and owned it now. The darkness behind her eyes is all there was. Suffocating slowly and slipping into a damning abyss.

Disclaimer: This short narrative was created and inspired by a small idea. All photography or original art for this post was created by Juana M. Gumbs, AKA HetHeru. Thank you so much for your support. Please like, comment, criticize, make suggestions or say “hi”.

This is an original short story imagined, created and copyrighted in 2019 by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.

Brief Narrative: DRUNK TEXTING…

After a long day at work on a Saturday…what a way to whine down than to take a sip of something that makes you lose yourself for a time. For a time, the thought was not there to drink…for drinking sake. Just a little sip, that makes you open up but while you are musing you decide to text your lover. Then, you find yourself uninhibited and professing things. Sure, you are trying to keep your senses about you, but with more sipping and clicking…well. Things go down a path unintended…maybe, you sent some pictures that were not intended to be seen by a living been, but it happened. The evidence is on the phone and well, on his phone too. Maybe, maybe I didn’t press send. I began to lose my senses and the absence of time, ever present as my head seems like it’s bobbing in a bucket of water, or liquor?

I exhale, and inhale, putting another sip of the drink to my lips. A margarita in a bottle…eight percent alcohol, but potent to my system. My tolerance for the drink is low. My body already giving response to it. I continue to text my boyfriend. Some things I write…well, I had not thought about what his response would be for some of it. My intentions was to be sexy, wooing…but not sure how it landed on his side of the phone.

BRIEF NARRATIVE: UGH…MOMENT. (Writing In The Raw)

Pulling a trigger quickly, tapping the enter button to add the latest update on my blog. Eagerly, I make adjustments because I made last minute plans to go to The Vitamin Shoppe because I realized I haven’t eaten all day and the need for sustenance just registered to my brain. This sent signals to my tummy which moaned, woefully. The day was long and troublesome, eating was not an immediate concern, at the time.

So the blog was updated and I jumped into my stealtoe boots and ran out the house with a bag of garbage. Well, the bag of garbage was not going to the store with me, it was taken out…to an even larger trash can at the side of the house. I darted to the trash cans and fought off multiple critters and flying insects I could not immediately identify. Deposited the trash quickly without getting in nature’s way.

Finally, I got in the car and drove to The Vitamin Shoppe on Two Notch Road. For a Tueesday evening, the road was buzzing with cars. I prompted myself to stay conscious most of my drive there and noticed the brands of cars that jetted by me, going to nowhere most likely, because Two Notch Road is littered with traffic lights. You stop every half a mile or less.

I was ecstatic to arrive at The Vitamin Shoppe, it is like a health conscious individuals paradise. I was was there mostly, because my brain was actually egging me on to stop at the near by Sam’s Club and get a frozen yogurt instead and call it a night. But no, I had to do what was best for my body and purchase a powdered protein shake in order to take away from the guilt of not feeding my body while my mind was preoccupied with other frivolous things. Those frivolous things caused a aweful lot of bawling and snot and drool….bodily fluids to be fluid just before I finished that last blog. embarrassing

A dashing young man came through with a cart, not to shop with, but I assume he used it for the store since he worked there at the Vitamin Shoppe. I hope he never reads this blog, because he would laugh. So, I’m eye-balling the protein shake powders, reading about what they have, how much protein and all the million things they have in them, that I may desire. At one point, I saw a product and asked “what other pea protein products do you have, ” and he replied, “It has this product, see there is pea protein in the ingredients…” Duh. I knew I could look and see, but do you, young man know? Anyway, I moved on and perused some more. Couldn’t figure if I wanted the caffeinated vegan protein powders or the blasted regular vanilla or chocolate. Blah!

When I get to the cash register, he asked for my number so that they can find my account and I asked if I had gotten enough points to get a five dollar discount. I didn’t. I didn’t have enough points. As he was ringing up my items, I remembered I wanted another blending bottle to put my shake in. The store assistant stopped and showed me to the aisle with the blending bottle and their various uses. I picked one, but then he showed me one with a swirvel stick on the inside and I was like, “BINGO”. Ran back to the register, he’s ringing up my bottle then I see the ginger gum I wanted to try with my boyfriend. Other times, I would see it after I already paid and never bought it. This time…I was right on the money. I even asked the store assistant if they taste good. he said, “Some people like the cinnamon.” Ewwwwww…Ginger gum it is!

After I got my items, I jumped in the car. Drove around to the traffic light to go towards home when I discovered that I had dried snot and cold around my nose the entire time I was in the store. The store attendant propable was wondering “what is she on?” I cackled like a loon bird realizing that I was talking to someone face to face with dried cold on my face and they didn’t laugh at me…outright.

The End.

Disclaimer: I just wrote this on the fly. If there are any grammatical errors, they are made on purpose. That is what I mean when I say “writing in the raw.” Raw emotions, sentences may not be full sentences…things of that nature. Writing for fun! All photography posted on my blog is original artwork and photos taken by Juana M. Gumbs. Thank you so much for your support. Please comment, criticize, make suggestions or say “hi”.

This is an original work of an actual journal entry of mine and is copyrighted in 2019 by Juana M. Gumbs. All rights are reserved by her.